Those Phrases from My Father Which Rescued Us as a Brand-New Father

"I believe I was just just surviving for a year."

Former reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey expected to manage the demands of being a father.

Yet the actual experience rapidly proved to be "very different" to what he'd imagined.

Severe health complications around the birth resulted in his partner Louise being hospitalised. All of a sudden he was pushed into becoming her primary caregiver in addition to looking after their baby boy Leo.

"I took on all the nights, every change… each outing. The role of both parents," Ryan explained.

After nearly a year he reached burnout. It was a talk with his father, on a bench in the park, that led him to understand he couldn't do it alone.

The straightforward statement "You aren't in a good spot. You must get assistance. What can I do to help you?" opened the door for Ryan to express himself truthfully, look for assistance and find a way back.

His story is far from unique, but seldom highlighted. While the public is now more comfortable talking about the pressure on mums and about postpartum depression, far less attention is paid about the difficulties new fathers go through.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to seek assistance

Ryan thinks his challenges are linked to a broader failure to open up between men, who often absorb harmful ideas of masculinity.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the fortress that just takes the pounding and remains standing time and again."

"It is not a display of failure to ask for help. I didn't do that quick enough," he clarifies.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher focusing on mental health pre and post childbirth, says men can be reluctant to accept they're having a hard time.

They can believe they are "not a legitimate person to be asking for help" - especially ahead of a new mother and infant - but she emphasises their mental state is just as important to the unit.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad offered him the opportunity to request a break - taking a short trip away, away from the home environment, to gain perspective.

He understood he had to make a change to pay attention to his and his partner's emotions in addition to the practical tasks of taking care of a infant.

When he was honest with Louise, he realised he'd overlooked "what she longed for" -physical connection and hearing her out.

Reparenting yourself'

That epiphany has transformed how Ryan sees being a dad.

He's now composing Leo regular notes about his feelings as a dad, which he aspires his son will see as he matures.

Ryan thinks these will help his son better understand the expression of emotion and interpret his approach to fatherhood.

The notion of "self-parenting" is something artist Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen did not have reliable male guidance. Despite having an "amazing" relationship with his dad, long-standing emotional pain caused his father had difficulty managing and was "coming and going" of his life, making difficult their connection.

Stephen says repressing feelings caused him to make "poor actions" when younger to modify how he felt, seeking comfort in substance use as an escape from the anguish.

"You find your way to behaviours that don't help," he says. "They can temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will in the end make things worse."

Tips for Coping as a New Father

• Share with someone - if you're feeling overwhelmed, confide in a trusted person, your spouse or a therapist about your state of mind. It can help to ease the pressure and make you feel less isolated.
• Maintain your passions - continue with the activities that made you feel like the person you were before the baby arrived. It could be exercising, seeing friends or gaming.
• Don't ignore the body - nutritious food, physical activity and where possible, resting, all are important in how your emotional health is faring.
• Spend time with other first-time fathers - sharing their stories, the challenges, and also the good ones, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Remember that asking for help isn't failing - looking after you is the best way you can support your loved ones.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen naturally struggled to accept the death, having not spoken to him for a long time.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's committed not to "repeat the pattern" with his boy and instead provide the stability and emotional guidance he missed out on.

When his son is about to have a meltdown, for example, they try "releasing the emotion" together - managing the feelings in a healthy way.

Each of Ryan and Stephen say they have become improved and more well-rounded men because they faced their struggles, transformed how they express themselves, and taught themselves to manage themselves for their children.

"I am now more capable of… sitting with things and managing things," explains Stephen.

"I wrote that in a message to Leo recently," Ryan adds. "I wrote, sometimes I think my purpose is to instruct and tell you how to behave, but actually, it's a exchange. I am discovering as much as you are through this experience."